To be honest, this is genuinely entertaining. I’m sitting in the comfortable chair, which is a recliner in an enclosed garage at this multi-story house party.

I know quite a few people here, which makes me feel bad because most of them are fucked up. Some of them know me, and call me by name but I can’t for the life of me remember their names. Just kind gestures in a passive manner. I’m probably a little drunk, I stopped drinking because I don’t want to lose my seat and the keg is too far away, well its 10 feet away but still, this seat is awesome.

There are people from all walks of life here. Some old, some young. Short people and tall people. I’m not convinced than any one of them has any real idea what the fuck is going on here, hell I don’t even know what is going on here . Blank, nameless faces and a plethora of substances has me sitting in this corner wishing I was somewhere with her, back when things made sense and we were happy. These days it’s more like an empty bottle of wine and a reburn cigarette, stale and too familiar.

There’s girls here who want me, but I can’t stop thinking about her, is she okay and does she miss me? Left here alone yet surrounded by friends, plastic or not they still call me by name. They keep passing bowls and I can’t refuse. I’m likely more high now anything else. In this moment I can’t feel the pain, however my writing resonates quite the contrary.

I’m inspired. I’m not sure if it’s because of her or because of you. I know that you’re listening, somewhere and somehow. Perhaps hanging on to every word. I can’t seem to feel her right now, this radio static is becoming too loud. I’m weak and on my knees right now, in this moment before I fall.

It’s starting to quiet down now, pressure from the police have shut the party down. Somehow I managed to make my way in with the “cool kids” and I’m sitting outside now in a lawn chair minus the cushions, this can’t be good for my back but the trade-off for escaping the smell of sweat and overwhelming heat inside is well worth it.

I wish the lazy boy was out here, I could be content in the moment with a few good friends and this cool summer eves breeze. I guess we are leaving soon, everyone is splitting off to different parties in different locations but I’ve had enough, it’s time to go home.