It’s an awkward realization knowing that my life could be defined by three words, two positions.. fight or flight.

Too often I find myself searching for reasons and seeking closure knowing that the end result will be one or the other. As simple as it may be to expose ones flaws, it is far more complicated to define and accept my own. As volatile as this mix of emotions may be, the hardest part is accepting that this pain I feel is more often than not, self inflicted. Like a cutter with his blade I am slowly peeling away the layers which protect me. I welcome the pain with open arms just to prove to myself that I am indeed really alive.

This flood of emotions like the strongest of storm surges washes away much of who I am, eroding down the thin layers of beauty that once flourished here and leaving in its wake a trail of debris that could only be described as damaged or broken. I tell myself that each day is new, but find it impossible to break old habits and continue to punish myself for crimes I have yet to commit. I am scared to be alone, afraid to fall in love, and terrified of standing still.