Okay so I am going to take some time to write in here a bit, a little not life story conversation and just a little bit of normal. Ok so there really is no normal, there is no standard for how we are all supposed to act or live, so let us just say… a little bit more real.  

Ok there it is again, what is real? Is real what you are living? the good and the bad, the night and day? Or is real the dreams you try to conquer, in an everyday conquest to become that person you only see in your dreams? or is real just a lie, another word, let alone another four-letter word powerful in its own just like the rest.  

Did you ever notice there are a lot of four-letter words, and within the four-letter word category, there are more words with more emotion than any other category? Ok so I lied, just a little bit of that deep life lightening spiritual talk about everything we all think about.  

But seriously now… I have not really said hello to my new journal, so this is a nice big but not too big yet not too small HELLO. 

So here I am, 21 years old sharing a life with someone who is my everything, and her son who I love like a son of my own. Together me, Lori, and Hunter are a family… never thought I would be saying family anytime soon, but it was a decision that was made, and I have no regret.  

I realized over the last few days that I have changed so much. Smoking and drinking, which were both fun to me, do not appeal to me as much… and I do not have the energy anymore to pull an all nighter and party it up till dawn. I guess one day I must have sat down, and made a list of what is important, and what is not.  

I am all grown up now, if only they could see me now. Working to make ends meet, while Lori is at home, and she keeps them tied. piecing together the pieces that were broken inside of me by the storms of time and becoming whole again.  

Most of you who know me, know a little about me, a little about my past, and just a little about my heart. It would take a whole other lifetime, to put in words this life I have lived, I do know however, that no matter how bad it has been, I would not change a thing.  

Now for tomorrow, it’s just around the corner… but if you close your eyes just tight enough, you can see it right in front of you… you can see the skies whether it rains or shines, you can see the tears, whether they are warm or cold… you can see the beginning, just as clear as the end. you can see me there, holding my hand out, and waving to you.  

The question you would have to ask yourself, is whether I am waving hello or goodbye? and whether or not this is real. It is like staring into a window, of a whole other world and asking yourself… am I awake or dreaming? 

Mood: Thoughtful 
Music: Linkin Park – Breaking the Habit