Allow me the chance to be your eyes so you can see past the obvious, let me be your heart so you can feel past the moment. Let me take your hand and show you what I see, make you feel what I feel and understand why I feel it.
Blind, blind to the colors that are right in front of you. Surrounded by black and white with shades of gray and a pessimistic perspective which continues to drag not just you, but everyone around you down. Miserable in the body given to you, tortured by a past that you can’t face and looking, planning, plotting and pursuing your next move… for better or worst.
I could list a thousand things I love about you and only a handful of things I hate, why is that the things I hate time and time again become the deciding factor in whether I have found my soul mate, or if I have just thrown the last four years of my life away… again. I understand that you are scared; I understand that I am not perfect and I understand the method to your madness as sick and perverse as it can be. I know how it feels to be unloved, I know how feels to be alone and feel ignored and I know that at the end of the day I can be a better person. But I also know that it takes trust, it takes compromise, it takes faith and most importantly it takes time.
It takes time for old wounds to heal, and despite the length of time scars will always remain and you have to understand that with every action, there are consequences and/or repercussions. Just because someone tells you you’re beautiful, it doesn’t make it okay to take it further. Just because I am not there in mind or body, it doesn’t mean t hat I am not there in spirit. You are always with me, and even though I may not be able to see you I can always feel you. I can feel when you are in pain, when you are happy and when you are ashamed. That connection has fascinated me since day one. It may be the reason we are still here today, but that connection has been abused… and honestly right now I feel used.
Love is something you need to cherish, not consume. A good memory lasts forever and a life altering event cannot be erased. You can’t bring back the dead and you eventually you just have to let go. You have to move forward and make the most of your life. I wanted nothing more than to be your husband, to be your best friend, to be the one that makes everything okay. I wanted to feel like it all meant something but it’s becoming clearly apparent that I can and will be replaced, and regardless of whose feelings you hurt in the process, you are bound and determined to break my heart.
You can’t see the good anymore, you can’t feel my love and you can’t see how much this hurts me. You are ready to run and where you stop no one knows. The only thing evident is that the next time you run, it won’t be to me.
Every hello is eventually followed by a goodbye; the only difference is the time in between.